TWO POEMS by STERLING-ELIZABETH ARCADIA
the conductor
i didn’t have what it took
to be a cymbalist. that was the truth.
i never believed in fidelity
to the written note. i could never resist
the magical ringing of those plates
inbetween my hands. the whole world
had gotten off tempo. i was the only one
who could feel it. the scratch of the missing
sixteenths spiraling out of control.
i was the only one who could fix it.
who could rewrite the score
with one miraculous crash. i had to.
i had to play it louder than
anything—so she would hear me, and see
what had really happened, and bring us back together.
[] dyke
[] fag
[] infection
i’ve been growing something [new | unheard of]
[on my thighs | between my legs] something
puffy and eager to [spread |
contaminate] those around us. the only
real [choice | comfort] is to heed
the authorities. to [venture | step] into
the only [space | box] they so kindly constructed for [me | us].
now i finally [see | understand] what they meant by [diversity |
inclusion]. one hundred thousand of [us | me]
marching [onward | forward]. chests swelling with
the [violence | pride] of our [obedience | obedience].
Sterling-Elizabeth Arcadia (she/her) is a Best of the Net winning disabled trans writer across genres and lover of birds, cats, movies, and her friends. Her work has been published in venues including The Missouri Review and beestung, and has been nominated for various prize-based anthologies. Her poetry chapbook “Heaven, Ekphrasis” is available now from Kith Books, and her debut full-length poetry collection, “DRIVER,” is forthcoming in 2027 from Airlie Press, where she is a Poet-Editor. Bluesky / Instagram