THREE THINGS by BRITTANY THOMAS
motion to abolish the term ‘metrosexual’
I think I like pink in a gay way, but definitely not a femme way, maybe it’s a ‘metrosexual’ way(?), but does that make it a masculine way(?) – even though the whole idea of a ‘metrosexual’ is somehow inherently emasculating: heterosexual metropolitans who can’t just like pink—sounds fucking exhausting—anyway, what I mean is where is the place where me and the performance both meet and can this queer just like pink?
Iggy Pop on the Commuter Train
Did you know Iggy Pop’s real name is James Newell Osterberg? Not even a little bit rock and roll. Iggy on the train has long blonde hair with a face carved like a Michelangelo (if not a little nose heavy). Jean jacket over a jean shirt with a leather backpack, fingers wrapped in rings like he’s a prize fighter or a pirate lover. Iggy smiles tenderly at his phone—maybe someone on the screen made his heart ache so openly. I’ll never know.
Why am I holding a bag of Doritos in this dream?
We were having a nice chat when she handed me the snack-sized bag and I accepted it, we were in an airplane lounge—I mean like a really nice airplane lounge, sort of like my doctor’s office waiting room except fancy like a hotel lobby, and there were two-person café tables adorned with grazing platters and that’s where she handed me the Doritos bag so I started munching but I had immediate regrets because now I have orange Dorito hands with no discernible way to clean them other than by my own tongue and even Dream Me thinks that would be a little bit rude, but I don’t have long to stress about that because now there’s a catwalk situation happening in the lounge and here I come strutting down the runway in a white tuxedo (damn, I look good) and I worry I’m about to get orange Dorito dust on my white pants but I’m actually still sitting in the café chair because there are two of me: one of me is hot and one of me has sticky chip fingers and I sigh and shrug and understand that these are my two wolves.
Brittany Thomas was born and raised in upstate New York and currently lives in London. Her writing appears in Scrawl Place, Contingent Magazine, The Daily Drunk Magazine, and Queerlings. You can find her on Twitter @britomatic.