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Our dog is a two-year-old virgin

we’ve been talking with him

He’s getting out more

and with elevated intentions

Spending near-intimate time with

the bitches at a nearby park

Sniffing “all over the place”

while greeting them during walks

Even as their voyeur owners watch

blushing at their lewd overtures

Are there ethics for this?

Sire pups with three girlfriends?

Does this lose or gain him community respect?

More the merrier? Panting, furry cheat?

Who are we to judge?

Or who are we to envy?

Neutering in 4, 3, 2 . . . months




He split the seam of his jeans trying

to kick-start the old Harley

Bought the bike to meet women with tattoos

It’s going slow - the women and the bike

Riding to Sturgis he blew a head gasket

his motorcycle also had some problems

Seated on the parked bike posing for hours

developing a nasty crotch rash

Itching relieved only by long, cold showers

[see slow with the women, above]

The 150-mile return ride home was with

the bike in the back of a Ryder rental truck

He still got the t-shirt, the hangover and the virus

and eventually even a woman

Who visits twice a day to change

his poultices while humming a hymn



Bart was interested in an MFA

until learning it wasn’t the obscene

acronym for a scoundrel of a donkey

He imagined the designation after his name

on the free verse he wrote during pedicures

Clyde searched college directories for

coeds named Bonnie or even Bonny

Being a hit as outlaws at costume parties

And jokesters making restaurant reservations

still wearing masks post-pandemic

Basically, ditto the above for Michael

and his boyfriend, Angelo

Buster had a gift for tough guy poetry

Dropped from the football team for punching

a coach, he turned to writing deadly haiku

killer couplets, bitchin acrostics, saucy sestinas

edgy elegies and villainous villanelles


Eric Burgoyne is a surfing grandpa living on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii. He has an MA in Creative Writing (Poetry) from Teesside University, Middlesbrough England, and an MBA from University of Reading, Berkshire, England. His poems have been published in The Dawntreader, Spillwords, Sledgehammer, Skink Beat Review, Rat’s Ass Review, and elsewhere.

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