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You’re getting conflicting messages from the goddamn universe, but that’s nothing new. Last year, Jupiter in Aquarius inspired you to seek experiences, reach for a beer (or several), have an extra slab of cake, kiss a few strangers. Saturn ensures that you will do no such thing. Due to his stern recriminations, the mere thought of such shenanigans fills you with shame.

This horror show will go on all year, but Saturn will stick around longer than that. He always lurks in the shadow, just in case you begin to feel that life might be fun. Saturn’s job is to remind you that joy is not reality, but depression and hard work are. He’s like a sour-faced inspector who popped in expectedly for a visit. Rest assured that he’ll find all the infractions you tried so hard to hide.

Your ruling planet, Uranus, is stuck in stodgy-as-fuck Taurus. This position imparts rigidity and constipation -- not just for you, but for everyone in search of change. Uranus rules sudden transformation, revolutions, and riots, but Taurus has no time for this bullshit (see what I did there?) A revolution for Taurus would be purchasing a new TV remote on a whim. Or changing breakfast cereals.

Uranus squares both Jupiter and Saturn at various times all year, making you want to smash furniture. You’ll just end up in a cell, so you seethe instead. We all know what anger turned inward can do to the nervous system. You can only stuff socks in a geyser for so long. Will next week be better? Probably not. How about next year? Don’t count on it. Who knows, maybe 2024 will be your year. Meanwhile, grit your teeth and keep moving forward. That way, no one can accuse you of being lazy.


Leah Mueller is an indie writer and spoken word performer from Bisbee, Arizona. She is the author of nine prose and poetry books, published by numerous small presses. Her latest chapbook, "Land of Eternal Thirst" (Dumpster Fire Press) was released in 2021. Leah’s work appears in Rattle, Midway Journal, Citron Review, The Spectacle, Miracle Monocle, Outlook Springs, Atticus Review, Your Impossible Voice, and elsewhere. Visit her website at

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