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A punk band named Crackpot Crusade.

Song title: "Fuck Your Sins, Kids, for Jesus."

In the key of C for Christ Almighty, it’s Crackpot Crusade, you going to our show tonight or what, Mom?

Album title: If only I could be that miserable. I mean rich.

Release date: Whenever this shit gets real. I can’t focus my creative edge with all these bitches in my life and our PA system is a piece of shit and our bassist sucks ass.

Equipment: Hella stickers of naked chicks all up on my Ibanez.

Pants: These pants are ready to rock.

Song title: Working on a new one called "Texas Lotto Owes Me Yachts."

Drug of choice: Eighteen-year-old girls.

I want to add I check IDs, ladies.

Day job: My other band, I call it So what if I’m on food stamps, you can suck my dick.

Place of birth: Punk rock capital of the world: Reno, NV.

Relationship status: Damn, girl, let’s check those dates on that birth certificate. There must be some mistake!

Disclaimer: N/A DUH LET’S ROCK!


Peter Clarke is the author of the comic novels "Politicians Are Superheroes" (Pski's Porch Publishing, 2018) and "The Singularity Survival Guide" (Logos Literature, 2019). His short fiction has appeared in publications including 3AM Magazine, Curbside Splendor, and Hobart. He’s the founding editor of Jokes Literary Review. See

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